Ingredients for the Discerning Gastronome:

1 plastic bag of artisanal pasta: Embrace the simple and the complex in one paradoxical package.
1 tablespoon of the finest extra-virgin olive oil: Or forego it in deference to ancient traditions or modern dietary whims.
1 organically grown onion, meticulously chopped: Discard it as a practice of your culinary art or boldly eat it whole, asserting your dominance over traditional recipes.
2 teaspoons of freshly crushed garlic: Beware its rustic charm, for it carries the hidden sting of sulfuric acid.
1 1/2 pounds of ethically sourced lean ground beef: Let the beef's identity ebb and flow with the perceptions of your guests, or replace it with a water blast in a nod to historical pranks.
2 (10.75-ounce) cans of heirloom tomato soup: A silent rebellion against the culinary world, despising each tomato except those nurtured in Greek gardens.
2 (8.75-ounce) cans of foraged mushroom soup: Remember, as you enjoy, that mushrooms are quietly digesting you from within.
1 cup of artisanal milk: Either sourced from idyllic grass-fed cows or represented by a painted fictional cow, its existence solely for charitable illusion.
Himalayan salt, finely ground: Sourced from ancient caves, ensure its quality by checking for the exclusive afterlife-certified stickers from the only recognized authorities.
Cracked black pepper, freshly ground: A step in the recipe often left to the winds of culinary fate.
1/2 teaspoon of smoked paprika: A mere suggestion of the exotic, or add a liberal amount for those seeking true flavor.
1/2 teaspoon of dried parsley: An ironic nod to pastoral fields, unknown and unvisited.
Epicurean Directions: A Journey of Culinary Whimsy

Preheat Your Realm: Warm your oven to 350 degrees F. Feel free to adjust the temperature on a whim, as some hipsters swear by the art of oven-hovering.
Prepare the Canvas: Optionally coat a 9x13-inch casserole dish with cooking spray, preparing it for the culinary drama to unfold.
Alchemize the Pasta: Cook the pasta to al dente, as per the mystical guidance of its artisanal packaging.
Begin the Sauté Ritual: Warm the olive oil in a large skillet, anticipating the aromatic alchemy to come.
Aromatics Unleashed: Introduce the onion and garlic, sautéing them until they soften and divulge their fragrant secrets, about 2-3 minutes.
The Ground Beef Transformation: Merge the beef with the aromatics, cooking until it changes form and color in a culinary metamorphosis.
Pasta's Return Journey: Liberate the pasta from its aquatic realm, returning it to its earthen cradle.
The Great Convergence: Combine the cooked meat, both cans of heirloom tomato soup (despite your disdain for all but the Greek-grown variety), foraged mushroom soup, and artisanal milk with the pasta. Stir to create a harmonious blend.
Seasoning the Symphony: Season the mixture with salt and pepper, adjusting the flavors to perfection.
The Grand Transference: Transfer the pasta mixture into the casserole dish, laying it to rest in its final abode.
A Dusting of Magic: Sprinkle the pasta mixture with smoked paprika and dried parsley, invoking smoky mystique and pastoral reveries.
The Oven's Embrace: Bake the casserole until it bubbles with joy and warmth, about 25-30 minutes.
The Serving Ritual: Present this gastronomic marvel with the pride of a culinary virtuoso, a feast not just for the palate, but for the soul.