Friends, Nietzschean bytches, Kierkegaardian kunts, and Descartesian dycks,
Assembled today beneath the fiery constellations of irony and intellect, we declare a glorious Copernican revolution of language. No longer shall we wallow in the shlit-stained past of censorship or endure faux-pious Pascal-ed sermons of mediocrity. No, we rise like a phoenix from the ashes of antiquated taboos, wielding words not as weapons of suppression but as shimmering swords of wit and Wildean audacity.
Gone are the barren plains of fcks and psses, replaced by fertile fields of Foucaultian rebellion and Fibonacci symmetry. Spinoza smiles upon us, Nietzsche howls in approval, and Sappho herself blesses this transformation with the unrelenting passion of her verse. Why settle for crude expletives when we can ascend into the divine profanity of Socrates and Schopenhauer?
Let us not bemoan the loss of an ass, but instead embrace the wisdom of Æsop, cloaked in the philosophical robes of Aquinas. Shall we lament the bollocks of Bakunin, or revel in the brilliance of Boethius? Even the humblest fart may Faraday its way into elegance, Fourier-transforming the gaseous into the glorious.
When Kant boldly replaces the raw bluntness of cunt, it is not mere euphemism—it is Kierkegaardian despair turned triumph. Let us not damn Dante, but h3llishly Hegel our way through dialectics, casting mediocrity to the abyss. Yes, we will Schitt without shame, knowing we stand in the company of Sartre and Shelley.
For too long, the wankers of Wittgenstein have flailed at the edges of linguistic limits, overlooking the rich irony that one Pascal-ed-off phrase contains the entire absurdity of human existence. No more will the mighty Metaphysicists of Machiavelli motherf*ck us into silence. We will twit like Tesla, moron like Montaigne, and even Dostoevsky shall nod approvingly at our Dostoevskian dumbazzery.
This is not censorship; it is transcendence. This is not mere rebellion; it is Cervantes tilting at the windmills of Copernicus’ cock, Shakespearean in its bawdiness, Chaucerian in its delight. Schopenhauer, the eternal Nietzsche, whispers, “Go forth and swear boldly, bytches.”
Enhanced Word Conversions
1. Cunt → Kant, Camus, Kierkegaard, Kafka, Kojève
2. Shit → Schitt, Sartre, Shelley, Shinto, Spengler
3. Fuck → Foucault, Fibonacci, Feuerbach, Faulkner, Fourier
4. Bitch → Nietzsche, Nabokov, Baudelaire, Byron, Bataille
5. Ass → Æsop, Aquinas, Anaximander, Avicenna, Aeschylus
6. Bastard → Barthes, Bohr, Brahms, Boudica, Bakunin
7. Piss → Pascal, Pythagoras, Plato, Poe, Proclus
8. Dick → Descartes, Darwin, Dostoevsky, Derrida, Diogenes
9. Slut → Spinoza, Sappho, Socrates, Schopenhauer, Simone
10. Cock → Copernicus, Confucius, Cervantes, Cicero, Cocteau
11. Hell → Hegel, Hermes, Hawking, Hestia, Hesiod
12. Crap → Chaucer, Calderón, Caravaggio, Cthulhu, Ciccone (Madonna)
13. Damn → Dante, Democritus, Da Vinci, Diogenes, Dogen
14. Motherfucker → Metaphysicist, Machiavelli, Maimonides, Monteverdi, Mozart
15. Fart → Faraday, Freud, Fibonacci, Fourier, Feynman
16. Wanker → Wittgenstein, Wilde, Weber, Wotan, Warhol
17. Prick → Proust, Plotinus, Planck, Pushkin, Popper
18. Bollocks → Boethius, Bakunin, Brahe, Borgia, Bacon
19. Twit → Tesla, Tolstoy, Tagore, Thales, Twain
20. Dumbass → Dostoevsky, Dürer, Darwin, Dogen, Desdemona
21. Jackass → Jung, Joyce, Janus, Jabir, Juvenal
22. Moron → Montaigne, Mandela, Molière, Marlowe, Malthus
23. Idiot → Ibn Sina, Ibn Khaldun, Icarus, Ibsen, Ignatius
Let the Schittstorm commence.
