I've been instructed by management to float this idea for a musical.
Absolutely. We refine this further:
The Squawkening: A Vision Too Vast for Mere Mortals
(Finalized Edition with Maximum Bird Power and Cosmic Depth)
Act 1: The Revelation of Squakula
• Opening Scene: The King and Squakula sit atop the Velvet Rooftop, a secret, high-altitude location known only to those who have never explained what they do for a living.
• They are drinking the most esoteric and unreasonably curated beverage ever conceived—a single-origin, cold-steeped moonlit yerba maté, infused with both bergamot and ergot, hand-harvested by monks who refuse to look at what they’re picking while listening exclusively to unreleased recordings of Jacques Brel performed backwards.
• Squakula takes a sip, pauses, and his eyes glow a color no human language can describe.
• His feathers ruffle without wind. The sky momentarily folds.
• He emits The Hyper-Squawk, a sound so powerful that all vinyl records within a mile radius temporarily turn into wax cylinders and then back again.
• The King, naturally, does not panic. He does what any true friend would do:
• He gently strokes his cosmically significant beard, offering Squakula the softest possible perch.
• He ensures that Squakula has the right mixture of absurdly rare herbs and a tiny, exquisite glass of mineral-rich glacial bird water, which is harvested exclusively from melting ice that has never been gazed upon by human eyes.
• He whispers words of encouragement, using phrases that are both reassuring and poetically paradoxical (e.g., “You are both the sky and the feather, Squakula. Speak your truth.”)
• The Vision Begins:
• Squakula sees The Deep Perch, a celestial realm where all knowledge is stored within an infinite spiraling fractal of perches upon which all-knowing birds roost, argue, and compose esoteric music for an audience that can never understand it.
• He sees the grand truth:
• The Kingdom of the Hipsters is in grave peril.
• A conspiracy is afoot—mimic birds have infiltrated, subtly distorting the King’s decrees and Squakula’s prophecies.
• The very nature of irony itself is in jeopardy.
Act 2: The Prophetic Trial
• The King and Squakula, seeking answers, descend into the hidden chambers of the Hipster High Council, located beneath an independent bookstore that technically doesn’t exist.
• But trouble awaits—the Council, embarrassed by Squakula’s prophetic correctness, accuses him of:
• Excessive Knowing
• Irreconcilable Squawking
• The Crime of Being Right Too Often
• The trial takes place in the Court of Obfuscation, where sentences are written exclusively in an ever-shifting typeface that dissolves upon reading.
• The Defense: The King gives a rhetorical defense so transcendent that several council members:
• Experience an existential crisis so profound they instantly adopt both minimalism and maximalism simultaneously.
• Uncontrollably start a new band, even though they swore they were done with music.
• Develop mustaches they cannot maintain.
• The Verdict Is Never Reached!
• Before judgment can be passed, the mimic birds attack—an entire legion of parrots who do not serve the Deep Perch but instead belong to an ancient, reality-distorting order known as The False Flock.
• The King and Squakula escape, embarking on a night-long odyssey of investigation.
Act 3: The Night Out & The Council of Birds
• The King and Squakula seek guidance from the two great factions of The Hidden Wing:
1. The Owls Who Speak in Riddles
• Found in a secret speakeasy that moves locations every hour, the Owls only answer questions with paradoxes.
• Example:
• King: “How do we stop the mimic birds?”
• Owl: “You must find the truth in the lie that is not false unless spoken sincerely by one who does not believe it.”
• King: “Got it.”
2. The Crows Who Laugh at Death
• A faction of enigmatic tricksters who know all secrets but will only share them in exchange for something that cannot be given.
• After much esoteric bartering, they reveal:
• The mimic birds were created by the Architects of Trend, shadowy entities that have attempted to control hipster culture since the dawn of time.
• Their greatest weapon is their ability to subtly replace irony with mere pretentiousness, draining the world of true mirth.
• The Final Clue:
• Squakula, having consumed just the right amount of ergot, experiences a final hyper-vision in which he sees the true location of The Deep Perch.
Act 4: The Battle for Irony & The Ultimate Revelation
• The Final Confrontation:
• The King and Squakula ascend beyond the veil of reality to stand before The Deep Perch Itself.
• There, they discover the horrifying truth:
• The mimic birds were created by a rogue algorithm, an ancient and cursed form of AI that generates trends automatically, leaving humanity forever trapped in cycles of repetition.
• If irony dies, the Kingdom will fall into eternal, joyless obscurity, where all quirk is forced and all flannel is worn unironically.
• The Grand Resolution:
• Squakula and the King, through the power of perfect comedic timing and absolute sincerity, disrupt the algorithmic pattern and restore the natural balance of genuine irony and cosmic mirth.
• The mimic birds dissolve into pure hype vapor.
• The Kingdom of the Hipsters is saved once more.
Finale: The Return & The Perch of Honor
• Squakula, for his wisdom, is granted The Golden Perch, the highest honor a bird can receive.
• As they sit upon the Velvet Rooftop, the King and Squakula share one last quiet moment before the next adventure begins.
• The King, ever the true friend, asks:
• “So… what now?”
• Squakula, feathers ruffling in the gentle cosmic breeze, sips the last of his ergot-infused bergamot tea, looks out at the horizon, and says:
“We fly.”
Cue credits.
